The Case for Witnessed Cremation: Closure and Cultural Connection
This is the first in a special series that takes a deep dive into the benefits and logistics of offering witnessed cremation services to families when appropriate facilities are available — and when families are open to it. Next week, we’ll debunk the long-held myths surrounding witnessed cremation.
About six years ago, deathcare publications were all abuzz with articles about Solace Cremation, a startup that remotely facilitated “all-inclusive” direct cremation arrangements for a flat fee. The company, which was founded by two former Nike executives (the pair behind the “Just Do It” tagline), promised that direct cremation could be coordinated online or by phone in “roughly five minutes.” It was as easy as placing an order for pizza, except that instead of a hot pie arriving at your door, it was Aunt Susie’s ashes.
Solace wasn’t the first cremation-by-app company, though. Tulip Cremation, which offered similar “no frills” direct cremation via remote request, had launched in 2017. At least two other companies, Eirene and Lumen followed in these firms’ footsteps, opening in 2019 and 2021, respectively. Predictably, all four thrived during the COVID-19 pandemic, when travel and in-person gatherings were restricted, but the business of death most definitely continued.
However, since then, the online direct cremation market has shrunk considerably. Eirene and Lumen closed, and both Solace and Tulip were acquired by Foundation Partners and now operate under the Tulip brand. There are a variety of potential reasons for the relatively rapid rise and fall of the five-minute cremation arrangement. I’ve come to firmly believe that one of those reasons is that death and mourning weren’t meant to be so transactional and hands-off. There’s still so much to be said for the closure that comes with witnessing a loved one’s disposition.
Defining closure
Webster’s Dictionary defines closure as “an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality.” It’s what you feel after an amicable, mutual breakup or at the end of a final day of work after bidding colleagues goodbye and cleaning out your desk. It’s also the emotion many mourners experience as they leave a graveside following a memorial service, committal prayer, and the placement of flowers or dirt on a soon-to-be-lowered casket. It’s that very last opportunity to see, with your very own eyes, your loved one in their present state.
The concept of "visual or sensory confirmation" is heavily studied in thanatology. Renowned psychologist J. William Worden, author of Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, establishes that physically seeing the final disposition of a body breaks through the psychological barrier of denial, helping the brain accept the reality of death.
This visual confirmation should never be thought of as an end of someone’s grief journey; in fact, talking about closure in the context of grief should be avoided at all costs. Deathcare practitioners know better than anyone that grief is different for everyone; there’s no clearly-defined timeline, “correct” response, or particular order to the process. Grief doesn’t usually cease immediately after witnessing a loved one’s final minutes above ground or physically intact.
Peace of mind matters
Instead, closure in the realm of disposition is more of a reassurance that you’re leaving a loved one in the state or place where they should be. You can walk away from a graveside knowing that the casket you just touched one last time is about to be lowered into the ground and covered for eternity. In the same vein, someone can walk away from the cremator or witnessing suite knowing exactly what is happening to their loved one at that moment.
Reassurances and peace of mind regarding disposition are more important than ever these days, thanks to too many highly-publicized cremation-related scandals. Witnessed cremation provides reassurance that the body of your loved one actually will be cremated and not neglected or stored indefinitely. Witnessing the cremation is “proof” that you’ve fulfilled your disposition-related duties — and that the funeral director has no qualms about being transparent and can be trusted with the chain-of-custody process.
Lastly, it’s not a coincidence that witnessed cremation is an integral part of several major Eastern religious rites. Hindu tradition dictates that the family must not only witness the cremation but actively initiate it by pushing the button on the cremator. This act symbolizes the final sacrifice and helps the soul untether from the physical body to transition toward reincarnation. Likewise, in the Sikh faith, community members stay to witness the body being placed into the cremator to reinforce the core belief that the physical form is merely a vessel, and death is a natural union with the creator.
The research
Little, if any, peer-reviewed grief research has been done on the psychological value of witnessing a loved one’s cremation. However, studies on the benefits of graveside services prior to burial and surveys of people who viewed a body prior to disposition offer relevant insight.
For example, a 2010 UK survey of 80 people who were asked about “viewing the body after bereavement due to a traumatic death” returned mixed results regarding the reasons behind the need to view and whether they wanted to touch the body. However, for the majority of respondents, “seeing the body brought home the reality of death; it could be shocking or distressing, but, in this sample, few who did so said they regretted it.”
Although unscientific, the replies to the question “Has anyone witnessed a cremation, thoughts?” that was posted six months ago to the “ask funeral directors” subReddit offer valid insight into the case for witnessed cremation. They also reinforce the fact that witnessed cremation is an individual choice, and may not be something for every family member (or even every funeral home). Interestingly, family members who commented used words like “closure,” “finality,” “impactful,” and “beautiful,” while respondents who identified themselves as funeral directors were mostly negative, with one director referring to witnessed cremation as “traumatizing” and as something that “should be left to the professionals.”
Hopefully, that funeral director will eventually read this series, which will include first-hand observations and reflections from both family members and cremation practitioners. Witnessed cremation may not be available or appropriate for everyone, but it’s most definitely worth your sincere consideration.
